Dear Mr. Vernon

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us spend an entire day with John Bender. Did you know he threatened us with a knife today? Aside from the safety of the students, it also exposes the school to a liability claim. I think it would be in everyone’s best interest if John was expelled. There are other reasons if you need them. Over the course of a mere six hours, John defaced school property, he sexually assaulted Claire, and he brought marijuana into the library. I’m ashamed to admit that I succumbed to his peer pressure and tried the addictive narcotic. FYI, it might be a good idea if you had a school assembly about the dangers of peer pressure. We’d all benefit from such counseling, especially from wise adults such as yourself because our brains aren’t yet fully developed. Our immature minds make us do stupid things and sometimes we might even seem like totally different people. One day we’re a brain, then an athlete, then a total basket case, then a princess, and sometimes a criminal. Sorry about that. We know you’re doing your best. You’re devoting your entire adult life to helping us become productive members of society (or at least until you have enough in your pension so you can retire to a small condo and play some golf). I’d like to end this letter by saying the two words that few teens are able to utter. 

Thank you.

Sincerely yours,

Brian

P.S. The others wanted me to write their essay for them, but I refused as I don’t believe in cheating. That might be a good topic to cover in another assembly.